Sean - God is Gracious

A second labor. The thought terrified me.

My goal for my labor with Caitlyn was to have an intervention free birth - no c-section, no episiotomy, no pitocin, no pain killers. Women have been giving birth for thousands of years. I had a great deal of faith that my body could do what it needed to do. Six days past my due date, my OB said I needed to be induced because of high blood pressure. I had been on bed rest for two months because they thought Caitlyn was going to be too small (they were trying to fatten me up). I didn't want to be induced, but I felt that it was indeed time for my baby to be born. A few hours later (Tuesday night), we arrived at the hospital to be induced. I was only dilated to 1 cm. I asked to try a prostaglandin insert first - still hoping to avoid the effects pitocin on my little girl. Two hours after receiving cervidil, I started having contractions. Wednesday morning, the nurse came in to start pitocin. I said that I was already having contractions. The doctor said I could labor without the pitocin but that I needed to be prepared for it to take several days. Wednesday was so long. I was in a lot of pain. In the afternoon, I labored in the tub. That was the only pain free time of my labor. My doula, Melissa (without whom I never could have had my drug-free birth) eventually made me get out because she was afraid that I wasn't making progress. I was only at 6 cm after more than 26 hours of labor. I was so tired that I was falling asleep between contractions. Sometime after midnight on Thursday morning, Melissa recommended that I allow the doctor to break my water so I would have enough energy to push. The doctor broke my water and I immediately entered transition. I couldn't believe the way the pain intensified without the cushion of the bag of water. The pain didn't last long, though. I was complete within a half hour. Pushing was my favorite part of labor. Pushing contractions were not painful at all, and I knew that as soon as I did my work, the pain would be over. I pushed Caitlyn out in about twenty minutes. We are delighted with our little girl. She brings so much joy to our lives. But even though I got the birth I wanted, memories of the pain haunted me for a long time.

My goals for my labor with Sean were similar to those from my labor with Caitlyn. Having midwife care during this pregnancy gave me a very, very high likelihood of an intervention free labor. I spent a lot of time praying that God would allow me to go into labor on my own this time. I wanted to know what it was like to labor at home for as long as possible. I felt that I had been cheated of that with Caitlyn's birth.

I learned the concept of a life verse in college. It never resonated with me, though. I cannot sum up my spiritual life with a single verse. Sean's birth, however, I can. I created a birth playlist for my iPod and printed two passages of Scripture on brightly colored index cards to help me keep my focus during labor. I prayed and prayed for a shorter labor this time but mentally prepared for a long ordeal. I knew that I would need to keep my head in the right place. I'm almost positive that my due date was wrong. I think it was anywhere from 5-7 days later than it should have been. As my due date approached, God kept bringing one of the verses from the passages I printed to mind. "And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD [is] a God of judgment: blessed [are] all they that wait for him." Isaiah 30:18 This played in my mind over and over.

Sunday, September 4, I had four hours of painful contractions. I was surprised but pleased when they stopped. I realized that I was not mentally ready to go through labor again. A full week passed before I had more real labor contractions. Sunday, September 11, I had several more hours of labor. Monday passed without any contractions. Tuesday was a different story. I had irregular contractions all day long. I spoke with my midwife, Sue. She told me that it sounded like early labor. I was to call back if they got to five minutes apart or come in to see her at the office the next morning if they hadn't. They stopped in the early evening. The emotional stress of not knowing when real labor would start was getting to me. God reminded me of my verse again - "and therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you." I went to bed hoping for some good sleep.

At 2 am on Wednesday morning, I woke up to painful contractions. I got up, put something on tv, and worked through the waves. Two hours later, they stopped, and I returned to bed. Brian and Caitlyn went to the midwife with me the next morning. In the car, I told Brian that I hoped to be 4-6 cm dilated based on the amount of pain and I work I did to get to that point in my labor with Caitlyn. I was indeed 4 cm! Sue told me that she expected me to have him very soon. On the way home, we stopped at Sam's Club to stock our pantry and freezer one last time. At 4:30 that afternoon, I called my mom. We talked for 20 minutes. At the end of our conversation, I realized that I'd had four contractions while talking to her. After another half hour, they were consistently five minutes apart and quite painful. I called the midwife. Mary was on call. She said she would like me to wait until they were four minutes apart before coming in. We kept timing them at nearly five minutes apart, but I soon told Brian that we needed to go. We called my friend Molly and asked her to meet us at the hospital. She kept Caitlyn for us. Knowing that Caitlyn was safe, loved, and well-cared for allowed me to fully focus on giving birth to our son.

I imagined that contracting in a car would be uncomfortable. I had no idea. The ride to the hospital was unbearably long. My contractions got down to three minutes apart in the car! We were settled in at the hospital by 7:45. I had hoped to labor in the tub again. Unfortunately, our hospital does not allow water births. I think that a water birth would be a delightful way to birth a baby. I hope to experience it someday! No rooms with tubs were available. It didn't end up mattering, though. I was 7 cm and entering transition. Up to that point, I was able to control my pain pretty well. I was also getting breaks between contractions. I felt perfectly normal during those times. Once I hit transition, my legs started shaking uncontrollably. From then to full dilation, I was in constant pain. I dreaded my water breaking because of the severe pain increase I'd experienced with Caitlyn. It didn't change my pain level at all this time, though. I was complete within minutes of my water breaking. I took forever to push. Mary said I wasn't doing a good job of it, meaning that I could have pushed him out a lot faster if I had wanted to. I was very fearful of tearing. But Mary and my nurses helped me through my fear and Sean was born at 9:11 pm - less than an hour and a half after we arrived at the hospital. The next morning I could still vividly feel the pains. Now, I can't even imagine them, though.

Caitlyn's labor was over 30 hours long from start to finish. I didn't have true early labor with Sean because it was distinctly separate from my true labor. Sean's active labor was only 4.5 hours. I dealt with sciatica during both of my pregnancies. I couldn't find a chiropractor I trusted when I was pregnant with Caitlyn. This time, however, I did. I received weekly adjustments during my second and third trimesters. My chiropractor told me that my labor with Caitlyn was likely so long and painful because I was out of place and my pelvis was twisted. He told me that would significantly slow dilation and that he anticipated a much faster labor this time. He was right. God truly did ask me to wait so he could be gracious to me with this labor. Those days of pre-labor made my actual labor blissfully short.

Sean means God is gracious. We didn't choose it because of its meaning. That was a delightful surprise I discovered long after God brought my verse to mind. Sean is the perfect name for a perfect little boy who came to us after a perfect labor. God is gracious. And may he be exalted.